RAMBLINGS TO MYSELF

 

Sitting on my favorite side of my soft cushiony couch, legs up and folded sideways, with my laptop, resting partly on my lap and on the cushion which is right next to my left  side, I try to quiet down my stream of thoughts which seems to be barreling through random portions of conversations of various people to give me an insight to my questions. I scramble frantically to hold on to these insights which seem too be to eager to escape my stranglehold ! There is s tussle within me to let them go or to lock them up in a deep space of my consciousness but try as I might they seem to just slip away. Leaving me, with a whole day of introspection and the allusion of being part of something wonderful though disquieting. Can I pen these down? Can I dare to reveal my heart? And then there is a voice telling  me emphatically, "NO".

My fingers click on the my Facebook account and out jumps a quote posted by a friend stating "A woman cannot change the man because she loves him , man changes himself because he loves her". This drives the my thoughts into an overdrive because I so want to write that why are you expecting a change when you loved him the way he was? have you not changed in the years you have lived with him? why the expectation or the thought that he changes to love you? Have you, not been disappointed enough, with these expectations?

Expect, but to, change yourself and  not anybody else! You can only work with the material that you have in hand. And what or who, do you have ? You and yourself! You are not a canvas that you need others to fill the colors to make you vibrant but a whole being with senses and the mindfulness to sculpt your inner being. Whenever you will look outside of yourself with expectation,  you will be disappointed. You were born alone . The man you met after 20 or 25  years was not born with you. So how can you and him accommodate each other without friction and discomfort.


 A man and woman can sculpt a stone to ones whim but not a livewire and a lively material like you or him! So exist, live, love and nurture yourself and the people you come in contact with but without expectation of a change. The sooner you reconcile yourself to this fact the easier would this journey be!

Time to rustle up a heartwarming north Indian dish! its going to be lunchtime soon so the soul has been nourished now this physical being!